The Challenge to Identify Your Values and Stand Against The Flow

Living in Orange County and raising a family here brings its own challenges. There is pressure to succeed both socially and financially. Our children are watching us and learning from our behaviors what is important to us and what we value. Being clear in our own heads of what values we want to pass on to our children will guide our behaviors. But life is complicated, because of the pressure to succeed and compare ourselves to others we can loose our way and I believe this is making our families unstable.

It does take effort and courage to identify your core values and then to stand up for them. Social media has created an environment that is high in intensity. Setting yourself apart can feel very vulnerable. As our children grow up they are much more concerned with fitting in and having “likes” so to identify yourself and your family as something different than the norm is frightening. 

For example as we are raising our family there is pressure to keep up with everyone else including what they have, how their house looks, what toys their children have, what clothes they wear and what they are doing socially. That may mean you have to work more hours than you want too to earn the needed money and you’re missing time with the family. Is that really what you want?

There is also pressure to enroll our children in multiple extra curricular activities because you want them to have every opportunity and not to fall behind, but then we realize that we are always rushing and not having meals together at home. Or your child is invited to so many activities and going to these events brings expectations. You may have to bring a gift, take time away from something else or feel like you have to reciprocate and put on your own event.  But if you don’t participate then your child may fall out of acceptance in this social group, you yourself won’t be connected to these parents and you may have to stand alone in your value of family time and a slower pace. 

We need to consider that your child is watching you and if you don’t stand for something different, they will feel the pressure themselves to keep up and perform. Why wouldn’t they, what they are seeing is you succumbing to the pressure to keep up and if that is what they see then they make the assumption that it is what you value.

Some values supported in earlier generations were, faith, integrity, personal responsibility, a strong work ethic and the value of being selfless. These showed themselves in a family with religious attendance, family dinners, community service and holding our children responsible for their actions. It concerns me that some young families are getting caught in the current of social pressure and not taking time to evaluate their values and what they want to teach their children.

I am not promoting a set of specific values but I am encouraging you to think about what you want to show your children that is important to you and this takes thought and intention. It does take effort to fight the current.

Written by Lisa Strong