Trust and security are the foundation for a healthy relationship. But how do we nurture these feelings in our relationship? I believe that we do this by letting our partner know that they are a priority in our life and we are committed to them. When we are committed we are all in and we are not coming from a place of self-interest but we are considering the cost of any choice for our partner too. 

You don’t want your partner wondering “How important am I to you?” or “Do I come first in your life?” These acts cause a sense of doubt that can grow into insecurity and fear. A healthy relationship needs trust, a knowledge that you can count on each other and that your concerns are important to each of you.

Can your partner count on your word? Do you stand by your word by saying what you mean and meaning what you say. To build this trust you need to stop saying things that you won’t follow through on, or that don’t represent your true feelings. If you continue to not follow through then your partner will learn not to count on you.

Here are a few examples of behaviors that break trust in a relationship;

• Not showing up on time
• Not making your partner a priority
• Keeping secrets
• Lying
• Humiliating or putting down your partner in public or private. 
• Not being there when your partner is hurting or sick

We can show commitment to our partner in the small acts that respond to their needs. When our partner sees us listening and supporting them then they feel the commitment but if we dismiss them or turn away during their time of need then this is seen as a betrayal. I am not referring to a significant betrayals like infidelity, it could be something small like looking at your phone instead of listening to a concern. These small betrayals build up and diminish the sense of security and trust in the relationship.

When you have learned that your partner is trustworthy and committed then you are able to give them the benefit of the doubt instead of always coming from a place of suspicion and questioning. Doesn’t that sound nice? When we are repeatedly challenging and questioning our partner this is exhausting for both parties. No one wants to have to doubt their partner and I certainly would get frustrated if I feel like my partner is always doubting me. So to avoid this dynamic we have to make it a priority to build trust and let your partner know that you have their back and you can be relied on. 

This takes work and can be challenging because once you are in a relationship and you are committed to your partner then it is no longer all about you and your needs. But the sacrifice is worth it to have a partner in life that you can trust. 

Written by Lisa Strong