Is My Relationship Breaking Down?

Is My Relationship Breaking Down?

In the early stages of your relationship each partner is highly attentive, spending a lot of time together sharing interests, talking about concerns, thoughts and feelings as well as showing appreciation for each other. When these things start to disappear couples can feel disconnected and discouraged in the relationship. It starts to feel like things are breaking down.

One sign of a breakdown can be a shift in focus which can happen when one person redirects their attention from the relationship to something else, this can be work, a hobby, friends or another social activity. The two people start to live parallel lives and it may feel like you are becoming roommates and loosing the connection.

Having separate interests can be healthy for a relationship but there also needs to be quality time together. Don’t overreact and shame your partner for branching out to do something new, you want to still support each other, encouraging new interests and ambitions but it is also ok to share that you are feeling alone or that you miss the time together. Don’t wait too long to say something or else resentment builds up and it becomes harder to reconnect. Be proactive and initiate a date night or other time to connect.

A lack of intimate conversations can also feel like a loss of connection. There is a difference between simply talking which is just giving information without the need for a response and intimate conversations which is enjoyed by both persons. An intimate conversations is used to pull the two of you together and learn about each other. There can be a focus of attention on something of mutual interest, or a sharing of feelings and concerns. There is a give and take from each partner and undivided attention with no TV, cell phone or other distraction.

This type of communication brings a connection. You can make an effort to make this happen by simply making time, setting aside the distractions and focusing on each other without judgement. Ask questions about their day, their concerns and interests or what is causing stress. Then come along side and show that you are a team and you are there to support.

The last breakdown I will address here can be a waning of appreciation. Early in a relationship we like to do nice things for each other because they are appreciated and acknowledged but when these loving gestures become expected without acknowledgment they become more of a chore. We all want to hear some gratitude and acknowledgement for what we do without this we begin to get resentful and irritated with each other.

Take time to show you are thinking of your partner and you appreciate them. This can be done with a text, a simple gift or note, stepping up and helping out and lightening your partners load. Doing something that shows you see them and have been listening and that you care.

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Written by Lisa Strong

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