5 Reasons Insecure Parenting Doesn’t Work

What is happening, why does it seem like there are many parents who are insecure and afraid to stand strong? I know that when we become parents there is a certain element of sink or swim. We figure it out as we go, we rely on what we learned from our own parents, good or bad, we watch other parents and we may even read a parenting book. But what I am seeing are insecure parents and this was not the case with past generations.

It is true that todays parents face many new challenges, social media being a giant. Parents are continually comparing themselves to others, comparing their kids to others and this fuels the insecurity. Listed below are some of the fears that I see and why I think we need to be brave and not succumb to these fears;

1. Fear of being too harsh; 
In order to raise a child who is respectful and not entitled you may need to be firm and strong, some may call this harsh. You are the authority in the home and unless the child understands that they themselves are not the authority they will struggle with other authority figures. This will not serve them well in school, with a coach or with their future boss. They need to learn to respect authority.

2. Fear of letting your child fail;
Children need to learn to handle failure or adversity. You will not always be there to shield them so let them fail, even when you can see it coming, let them experience the natural consequences of their actions. They will learn to bounce back and be resilient.

3. Fear of letting your child miss out;
Children need to have responsibilities and learn to prioritize what is important and this may involve missing out on some activities. If your child has an opportunity to go to a birthday party but also has a responsibility to finish an assignment, attend a siblings recital or visit their grandmother then they may have to miss out. But they will learn to prioritize and deal with disappointment.

4. Fear of letting your child fall behind;
Life is not a race to the top although it sometimes feels that way. Teaching children to do a job well, take pride in your work and considering others as they move through their life choices will teach that character is important, how you represent yourself and the quality of the work you do is important. Being the first is not the goal.

5. Fear of having your child be mad at you;
Children will learn that they don’t always get their way and this may result in them being mad at you. Don’t jump back in and try to fix it. If you feel like what you said or did was fair and necessary then don’t apologize for it. Stand by your decision and let your child process it. This can be hard to wait out but they will learn to accept it and move on when they don’t get their way.

We need to be brave enough to allow our children to learn these valuable lessons, don’t shield them, it won’t serve them in the long run. Be confident enough to parent well.

If you need support or guidance in this challenge then give us a call, we can help.

Written by Lisa Strong