4 Things Everyone Needs to Know About Anger

When I see someone, a child, a teen or an adult who is often angry or who is easily triggered I can be certain that there is something much deeper going on than that person simply being a jerk.

Before I go on, let me clarify something.  There are things we should be angry about… being mistreated, seeing others mistreated, injustice, human deprivation, etc.  There are times when anger is justified and should be expressed appropriately.  And then there are times when we feel angry at little, more insignificant things (slow drivers, the neighbor’s dogs that bark incessantly every single day, and so on)… well, we think it’s anger but it’s really something much deeper.  Consider these four things about anger that give it a whole new perspective.

1. It is easier to feel anger than hurt.  Anger is usually a surface emotion that covers our true feelings of inadequacy, rejection, pain, feeling dismissed or out of control.  It’s easier for us to cling to anger than to make ourselves vulnerable and admit that we are fragile.

2. Anger has a strong physical component.  When we feel angry our bodies actually feel stronger and more able to protect ourselves from a  perceived emotional or physical threat.  Endorphins start pumping, our heart starts racing and we feel more powerful.  So, basically, anger is often a cover-up, a fake friend and a useless partner that keeps us from experiencing our real feelings.

3. Anger is a way to control people and situations.  When we feel unheard, disregarded and out of control we often use anger to direct the circumstances to our favor.  Some people don’t know how to express their true emotions… in fact, some don’t even know what their true emotions are.  So when that uncomfortable feeling rises up they lash out in an attempt to make the other person back down or give in.  Anger is like a bully and if we are not aware it often gets its way.

Helpful hint: How do you stand up to this bully without giving in?  Pause.  Collect yourself and your strength.  Then calmly ask what is really upsetting the person.  At least make an attempt to deescalate the person by trying to understand what is really going on.

4. Unexplored anger will destroy you.  As I mentioned above, there are times when anger is appropriate.  When we are mistreated, betrayed, wounded, belittled, teased, bullied, taken for granted or taken advantage of… these things warrant some level of anger.  If you sit on this anger without expressing it, it will eat you up.  It’s often said that depression is anger turned inward.  Directly face your own anger.  Explore where it may be coming from.

Anger eats away at relationships, slowly isolates us, builds resentment and can lead to broken families.  Learning how to communicate our feelings, our real, true, authentic feelings is the antidote.  We want your relationships and family to thrive and can help you identify and articulate root issues.  If you’re interested in how we can help, give us a call today at 562-537-2947.  Today can be the day that changes everything for you and your family.

Written by Lisa Smith